Liam Payne’s sister details devastating grief that leaves her ‘gasping for air’

Liam Payne’s sister Ruth Gibbins has shared a devastating essay about losing her little brother Liam Payne six months ago.

Payne died aged 31 on October 16 after he fell from his hotel balcony in Buenos Aires.

The star was laid to rest on November 20 at a ceremony attended by many many famous faces including Girls Aloud star Cheryl, who is the mother of his child Bear, and his fellow One Direction bandmates – Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik.

Now Ruth – sister to Payne alongside Nicola Payne – has opened up about her grief, which she says is ‘impossible’ to live with and makes her feel as if she’s drowning.

‘6 months, half a year without you?!’ she began in the heartbreaking Instagram post.

‘My head is still screaming for you. Each morning on waking, I feel like I am plunged underwater, gasping or air that never comes to relieve me.

‘Living without you is impossible, so for now, I exist. I’m learning to laugh or smile in the right places, but mate, it’s exhausting when all I want to do is speak to you.

‘In the few moments I allow myself to feel love and not just loss, I can really smile at memories of us, like last year when we were doubled over laughing at us trying to make something we’d seen on YouTube, but memories are always tinged with sadness at how unfair it is we can’t make new ones.

‘I can sometimes hear you laughing at me walking around like Whoopi Goldberg in “ghost”, looking for you everywhere I am. I see you though, you’re always coming through in different ways to put me back on the right path.

‘I can’t process what’s happened and the finality of it, you know I will never stop doing all I can for you.

‘I miss you loudly, quietly, and in all the moments in between.

‘Love you so much more than these words or my tears are capable of expressing but I know you know this.

‘For now, I’ll meet you in my dreams.’

In an episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty released today, Payne’s girlfriend Kate Cassidy opened up about their last conversation in Argentina before he died.

‘On the last day in Argentina, my car was in the driveway, and we went back into the guest house, grabbed my suitcase and we were sitting on the couch and I just kept going on and on and on about how much I love him and how much he means to me,’ Cassidy recalled.

‘And he laughed and he interrupted me, and he just said, “Kate, you’re gonna miss your flight … You’re acting like this is the last time you’re ever gonna see me again.”‘

One Direction star Louis Tomlinson’s sisters Lottie, Phoebe and Daisy Tomlinson were among those to shower Ruth with support in the comments section of her post.

‘Sending love and hugs beautiful girl,’ said Daisy, while Lottie said, ‘You’re so strong,’ and Phoebe commented: ‘Sending so much love.’

The brother of Niall Horan also shared his support, saying they are all in the same ‘1D family’.

‘Lots of love Ruth to yee all we are always gonna think of yee we were 5 families and became 1D family we are all hear for you guys,’ he said.

Until now, Ruth hadn’t posted on her Instagram wall since the news broke her brother had died.

Calling Payne her ‘best friend’ last year, Ruth said her brother made her laugh like no one else could.

‘I don’t think this world was good enough or kind enough for you,’ she said, continuing: ‘You just wanted to be loved and to make people happy with your music.’

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